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Am I supposed to feel this way?

Max is seven years old. He is trying to understand his feelings when his mum and dad announce that they are going to adopt a baby brother or sister. In this book we explore how he feels, and how he responds during the varying stages of the adoption process.

(39 customer reviews)

£3.99£7.99

Standard UK delivery 5-7 days

Description

Adopting a child impacts on the whole family. This is the story of seven-year-old Oliver, a birth child, whose parents adopt a little baby called Max. For Oliver this initially seemed to be everything he always wanted, but he soon discovers not everything was as he first imagined! More often than not, we realise birth children can suffer secondary trauma with having an adopted sibling. This book enables parents to sit with their children to discuss the possible issues that may arise when having an adopted sibling placed. It can also help children who already have an adopted sibling to understand what might be going on for them, and that they are not alone in feeling the way they do. This book has been written specifically for children to write and draw in, and to personalise as their own. They are encouraged to express themselves as much as they wish! This book is suitable whether you are in the middle of the adoption process, having your child placed or even if you are just thinking about whether adoption is right for you and your family. Your allocated social worker can also use this book to work with your child to help prepare them for the journey ahead. Please remember this book is just one child’s experience, and children will have different experiences, but what this book does is to open up conversation with your child to help them to express their emotions. From a child’s perspective This is a book about me! Oliver! When Mum and Dad were adopting Max, there weren’t many books out there for me to read. Some books were aimed at older children and my parents didn’t think they were appropriate for me to read. I would have loved a book to have been just for me; where I could read what adoption CAN actually be like for birth children. I wish I’d have known how hard it could be at times and how emotional I’d feel…even now! I’m 10 years old now and would not change my brother for the world, even though he can still be a pain at times!

Additional information

Weight N/A
Pages

96

Imprint

Onion Custard Kids

Reading Age

from 5 to 11 years

MainBISAC

JUVENILE FICTION / Family / Adoption

PubDate

20170610

39 reviews for Am I supposed to feel this way?

  1. Annie

    A wonderful book. My daughter read it even though we are not going to be adopting and it gave her a lot of insight into why children are adopted and also fostered. Very easy for her to read and understand. I also throughly enjoyed reading it. Well worth a read!

  2. Amazon Customer

    This book is a great resource for families with both adopted and biological children.

    Written from the viewpoint of a 7 year old bio child, the language is educational while accessible to this age group.

    It explains what adoption is, the process, what the adopted child’s life may have been like before they joined the family and the emotions felt by the biological child. The bio child goes from excitement to impatience to frustration when his new baby brother cries a lot and proves hard to soothe. I like that the parents explain to the child that his new brother doesn’t like hugs and struggles to accept love, this book is honest in an age appropriate way.

    The book is written to encourage the reader to describe their feelings and has places dotted through the book to draw their feelings and write down their thoughts.

    I haven’t seen any books like this for bio siblings and think this is a great addition to an adoptive family’s bookshelf!

  3. Ellfra from Amazon

    An amazing book, written from a childs perspective, covering all the feelings and emotions a child may experience when begining a new adoptive sibling relationship. A must have book for any birth child and their parents.

  4. Sue G

    Quite an amazing book. So honest in showing its not all plain sailing and that birth children find it hard to adjust to the new arrival. Think the “maybe baby” book a touch of genius. Good luck to this happy family

  5. Amazon Customer

    This is a great book for birth children to be taken through –by an adult – to help them understand the process of an adopted child joining their family. As a therapist working with adoptive families I know the (understandable) conflicting feelings that birth children have at different times. This book emphasises that it is ok to have lots of different feelings, there are opportunies to draw different feelings faces and questions at the end for children to consider. This is a book I will definitely recommend to parents and social workers.

  6. Amazon Customer

    A great book to start talking to family, friends and others about adoption.
    Clearly written, easy to read and brings up topics and questions.
    My 13 year old adopted son enjoyed the book and the fact you are encouraged to write and draw in it. I know he will ask more questions about his past in a couple of days. The fact it is written from a child’s perspective is fairly unique and definitely engaged him more.

  7. M Lowry

    A thoughtful book for a family entering the adoption process, really helpful

  8. Wendy I

    A great book written from a child’s perspective about adoption. Very sensitively written, raw and honest.

  9. Pam Farnsworth

    This book is a must for all ages, should definitely be used in schools and nurseries and obviously for any families considering adoption.
    A useful tool for social workers and health visitors.
    Illustrations are excellent. I loved it!!

  10. Barry Vaughan

    We were recommended this book by a family friend and it’s a very interesting read indeed – it is seen through the eyes of a birth child of a family who have adopted another child. It’s very well written, with clear explanatory notes and illustrations with ample room for the birth child to express their own feelings by drawing or writing.
    A very good book for those looking to or have already adopted a child.

  11. Carol Platteuw

    This is a great book for birth children to be taken through –by an adult – to help them understand the process of an adopted child joining their family. As a therapist working with adoptive families I know the (understandable) conflicting feelings that birth children have at different times. This book emphasises that it is ok to have lots of different feelings, there are opportunies to draw different feelings faces and questions at the end for children to consider. This is a book I will definitely recommend to parents and social workers.

  12. Al Coates

    This book is written to be a tool to support children as adopted siblings join their family. I would recommend it to adoptive parents as it will assist them as they prepare a child for the new addition and all the uncertainty and new experiences that can bring. Parents can read through the book and use is as a prompt to start conversations about sensitive issues such as why children are adopted, what the process is, challenges over sharing time and possessions and the changes that a new adopted sibling can bring as well as the new visitors that might come too. The book encourages colouring in and participation as the topics are explored in a age appropriate manner. This is a good book that will assist many families as they welcome a new addition to there family while assist their older children with the transition. I am also an Adopter, Social Worker and member of the DfE Expert Advisory Group on Adoption Support.

  13. Barry from London

    We were recommended this book by a family friend and it’s a very interesting read indeed – it is seen through the eyes of a birth child of a family who have adopted another child. It’s very well written, with clear explanatory notes and illustrations with ample room for the birth child to express their own feelings by drawing or writing. A very good book for those looking to or have already adopted a child.

  14. Liz

    A brilliant book about adoption from a child’s perspective. Cleverly written so that children can easily read it and relate to the feelings and issues of adopting a younger sibling. It provides understanding, comfort and encouragement for those tricky times and expresses the excitement and huge fulfilment of welcoming a new child and settling them into the family. Fantastic down-to-earth and practical read for both adults and children!

  15. Clare

    A great book to start talking to family, friends and others about adoption. Clearly written, easy to read and brings up topics and questions. My 13 year old adopted son enjoyed the book and the fact you are encouraged to write and draw in it. I know he will ask more questions about his past in a couple of days. The fact it is written from a child’s perspective is fairly unique and definitely engaged him more.

  16. Melody from Wales

    This book provides an insightful doorway into exploring some of the difficulties faced by children who have an adopted sibling. Written through the eyes of a child, it is evident that the author draws on both personal and professional experience to help support children and families finding their way through such difficulties.

  17. Melmo

    We were recommended this book by our adoption agency as we are prospective adopters with a birth child. It’s a really easy read, and a very helpful tool for addressing some of the worries that our little boy may have around welcoming an adopted child into our family. Highly recommended.

  18. Wendy from Hertfordshire

    A great book written from a child’s perspective about adoption. Very sensitively written, raw and honest.

  19. Claire from London

    A thoughtful and beautifully written book helping birth children with adopted siblings to explore their feelings and learn about the process of adoption. Also insightful aid for parents thinking of adopting.

  20. Loubi

    Brilliant easy to read

  21. Helen from Hertfordshire

    This book plugs a gap in the adopter’s bookshelf as it is an actual practical help. My daughter has found it useful as a tool to explore her feelings about being adopted and I can see that it would be invaluable in preparing a birth child for the arrival of an adopted sibling, in a way that they could understand and engage with. In a creative and accessible way the author takes the reader through the stages of adoption, allowing reflection on the way and always from the child’s point of view which is the real strength of the book. A fantastic resource!

  22. M.Lowry

    A thoughtful book for a family entering the adoption process, really helpful

  23. Social Worker

    A must read for all families with birth children who are considering adoption. The book is informative, interactive and a great tool to use with birth children to help them to prepare for the adoption process and for a child being placed with their family. Very well written by an experienced adoptive parent with a birth child. As an Adoption Social Worker I have already recommended this book to my prospective adoptive families and I will continue to do so in order to ensure that birth children are given an opportunity to express their views, feelings and any worries they may have about adoption.

  24. Therapist

    This is a great book for birth children to be taken through –by an adult – to help them understand the process of an adopted child joining their family. As a therapist working with adoptive families I know the (understandable) conflicting feelings that birth children have at different times. This book emphasises that it is ok to have lots of different feelings, there are opportunies to draw different feelings faces and questions at the end for children to consider. This is a book I will definitely recommend to parents and social workers.

  25. Richard Ian Coates

    This book is written to be a tool to support children as adopted siblings join their family. I would recommend it to adoptive parents as it will assist them as they prepare a child for the new addition and all the uncertainty and new experiences that can bring. Parents can read through the book and use is as a prompt to start conversations about sensitive issues such as why children are adopted, what the process is, challenges over sharing time and possessions and the changes that a new adopted sibling can bring as well as the new visitors that might come too. The book encourages colouring in and participation as the topics are explored in a age appropriate manner. This is a good book that will assist many families as they welcome a new addition to there family while assist their older children with the transition. I was given the book free to review

  26. Jodie – CAMHS Social Worker

    n my role as a CAMHS Social worker I work with children and their families who are adopted. This book is a lovely way of opening up discussions with children who are in this process. Normalizing their feelings and thoughts which otherwise might be unspoken and providing them with an opportunity to share how they are feeling which is so important. Would definitely recommend!

  27. Amazon Customer

    An extremely well written book. I was brought to tears at times. I then allowed my 10yr old son to read it and answer the questions. His answers helped me to see things through his eyes. After reading it my son compared adoption to owning a dog and how we welcomed them into our home as our own. I can’t wait for the next book.

  28. MissJordan from Eastbourne

    Brilliant book for anyone thinking of adopting who have children . Very well written through the eyes of the child and gives an honest account of all the ups and downs of the adoption process and how things are not always easy . Great for children to be able to write their feelings down in the book and gives parents an insight into how the new arrival impacts on the whole family and opens up ways to help the child communicate how they feel .

  29. K from Buckinghamshire

    K from Buckinghamshire. A very concise and well written book. It describes many of the emotions and feelings that a child may experience when a new adopted sibling arrives. Written from the childs perspective, it encourages the child reading to explore their own feelings but also highlights for parents some of the emotions that the child maybe experiencing and provide openings for discussion and answering questions.

  30. Bimal

    Although we adopted a little while ago, my biological children found this book so helpful in helping them name how they were feeling. It is so honest and well written for children. My ten year old has read it a few times now and each time has found something new; ” Mum i wish this had been around when we first adopted!” Thoroughly would recommend it

  31. Amazon Customer

    A wonderful book for children of all ages, it should be a must for use in schools and nurseries. Loved the illustrations.

  32. Annie from Hampshire

    A wonderful book. My daughter read it even though we are not going to be adopting and it gave her a lot of insight into why children are adopted and also fostered. Very easy for her to read and understand. I also throughly enjoyed reading it. Well worth a read!

  33. 11 year old birth child from Bedfordshire.

    open, helpful book written from a birth child’s perspective, it really helps ‘normalise’ your thoughts and feelings about adopting. It opens discussions and gives useful spaces to write your feelings down, I wish I’d had this book when we first adopted

  34. Tracey

    Fantastic book!! good insight for children. Bring in the next one!!!.

  35. D Byrne from Ireland

    A wonderful book for everyone. Should be in every school library. So well written and illustrated. Can’t wait for the next one

  36. Amazon Customer from Non UK

    his book is a great resource for families with both adopted and biological children. Written from the viewpoint of a 7 year old bio child, the language is educational while accessible to this age group. It explains what adoption is, the process, what the adopted child’s life may have been like before they joined the family and the emotions felt by the biological child. The bio child goes from excitement to impatience to frustration when his new baby brother cries a lot and proves hard to soothe. I like that the parents explain to the child that his new brother doesn’t like hugs and struggles to accept love, this book is honest in an age appropriate way. The book is written to encourage the reader to describe their feelings and has places dotted through the book to draw their feelings and write down their thoughts. I haven’t seen any books like this for bio siblings and think this is a great addition to an adoptive family’s bookshelf!

  37. Sarah Fisher

    The book is written for birth children to help them understand the feelings they have when adopting a younger sibling. It’s easy to read, child friendly and designed for them to draw and write in. My son said that it looked good – high praise from him! It’s written from the eyes of 7 year old Oliver and starts by explaining what adoption is and the process families go through to be approved. It moves on to when Oliver’s younger brother comes home and how he has very mixed emotions about it. On the one hand he’s happy, on the other the reality of having a younger brother hits home. Oliver tells us how he feels left out at times and frustrated that everything suddenly becomes about his younger brother – for example he can’t make a noise to disturb him, but his younger brother can make lots of noise which seems unfair to Oliver. He talks about how it feels to have to share his toys with his new brother and how he doesn’t want to. The story tells us how his parents made sure they spent time with him, without his new brother, and he got time at his grandparents as well. It balances this with helping Oliver to understand that his brother is part of the family now so can’t be left out, but that they still love him lots. As we move through the book it explains how Oliver learns about his new brother and why his needs are different. He talks about how hard it must be for his little brother as his birth parents couldn’t look after him. Oliver asks the reader questions throughout the book to engage them and there are spaces for them to write their thoughts. There are suggestions throughout the book to help both the child and the parents. Ideas like having a book that the child can write any thoughts or feelings in – just for them, or they can share what they’ve written. Every child is different, but hopefully the book will open the door to conversations with your child. I think it’s a great book, beautifully written and one that could help many children when a younger brother or sister comes along, however they arrive.

  38. Amazon Review

    My 6 year old daughter picked this up and read it on her own and it helped her to understand her feelings.

  39. Barbara Studham from Canada

    Am I Supposed To Feel This Way, by Elizabeth Archer, is a delightful book providing a first-hand insight into the feelings of a boy called Oliver, before and after the arrival of his adopted brother Max. The story progresses through the adoption process, the why’s and how’s of adoption, the waiting for the child to arrive, and Oliver’s feelings throughout the journey. The “Questions about You” section gives the birth child the opportunity to stop and think about his/her reactions to the adoption, and then discuss those impressions, anxieties, and questions with a parent. The book goes deeper by reminding parents to consider the birth child’s need for extra love and attention during and after the adoption process. This is a great book for birth children whose parents are considering adoption, and for the parents of the birth child to discover the true feelings of their child regarding the adoption of a child. If you are buying this book for a birth child, include a box of coloring pencils, as there are pages to be colored and circles designed especially for the child to draw his/her expressions. Great book sensitively written, with cute illustrations!

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